Still shaking...

...after the news about the giant earthquake and resulting tsunamis. I was going to make a trivial silly happy post about the holidays today. Now I just don't have it in me.

Peace and strength to those who need it.

Can I borrow fifty bucks?

Not a bad deal.
Originally uploaded by Somebody's Mom.

survivor

I shopped today. I drove 35 miles each way to get the Lego Knight's Kingdom king guy... which is a Target exclusive item, in-store only, not even available from their website. Those bastards. I, the earth loving anti-consumer, am nonetheless a devoted little elf, so I made the trek for the love of my darling child and at the expense of the planet.

Very tired now. Must go cleanse soul of bad strip mall vibes. Must rest. Maybe some yoga to recover from all that cart-pushing and parking lot fear, too.

How did I fall for this?

...I was in the house all comfy in my robe. Hubby comes in from cleaning up the back yard and says, "Hey, I think I have something for you to take a picture of out here." He makes me put on my rubber boots (with my pink robe) and follow him. As we approach the back of the lot, he says, "I mean, it's not Jesus or the Virgin Mary or anything, but look!" and proceeds to show me...
this.
In his excited words, "It's a piece of dog poop that's shaped like a weenie viewed from underneath!"

Welcome to my life.

P.S. I used to have the photo here, but I couldn't cope with looking at it anymore. So you can click if you're brave.

my new god

...can't...snort...stop...snort snort...laughing.
Can you say, "stud bull?"

Look out world!

I can't wait. I'm going around the world with my son. Of course, I'll have to wait, because we're not going until he graduates from high school, and he has yet to complete Kindergarten. But we decided last night that we're gonna do it. We have 13 years to plan and save money. He's concerned that his Crayon bank won't hold enough money, so we're going to open a savings account. He wanted to start in Antarctica. I reminded him that I'll be old by then, and requested something a bit friendlier to the old bones. He agreed. Phew. We're going to start in Asia, after a brief stopover in Hawaii for swimming, pineapple and mangos.

Not sure if my husband will join us. He's never been too interested in traveling the world. But he has a few years to decide.

hmm

hmm
Originally uploaded by Somebody's Mom.

"California's Home Improvement Warehouse"... unless, of course, you're a cow, in which case your home isn't exactly improved.

the drawer

the drawer
Originally uploaded by Somebody's Mom.

This is my husband's "underwear drawer." Do you see any undies? I see a Captain and Tennille 8-track, some KISS gum wrappers, a family photo, some Christmas light bulbs, a dead watch, a light-up yo-yo, a bolo tie, a Prince cassette, a snakebite kit, a skate wheel, a pen, a marble, some screws and misc. hardware, a clothespin, an old neoprene wallet, the case from his Spiderman knife, some ancient RayBans, telephone wires, a BandAid wrapper, the lid to a wooden box, a little notebook, a plastic bag with packing tape stuck to it, and several other items. No undies.

Scat, cat!

It has been confirmed by two naturalists. The piles of buried poop ("scat") next to my parents' carport are from a mountain lion. Well, at least one pile is from a mountain lion. Another may be from a bobcat. So, umm, hmmm. I'm a nature lover. My son is a bite-sized morsel who loves to play at Grandma and Grampa's a few times each week. The deer, foxes, and other wild-life we've seen there are cool. The California Mountain Lion, however, grows up to 8 feet long and is stealthy, attacking its victims from behind, dragging them off, chowing down, and partially burying the remains.

Let's just say, "Mommy's a little freaked out right now."

Let me explain...

... how I can possibly get nothing accomplished even though I don't have a "real" job and should theoretically have tons of time. You'd think I'd be sipping lattes and listening to NPR or something.

Today was a typical morning. Race around to get the child ready for school. Walk him to school. While walking home with another mom, we stopped to talk shop for a while about some of her graphic design clients and projects. I intended to race home to run errands and do a serious cleaning job because we have house guests coming tomorrow.

Instead, I made it almost home, where I encountered another neighbor who offered me a free quilt. Which, of course, a scavenger like yours truly can't turn down. So I went inside, where we proceded to talk about home ownership, tour her new landscaping projects, and move a giant ladder which had been leaning against her house for a few weeks.

Finally arriving home, I received a call from my mother who needed technological help with her cell phone and may need to borrow our truck to get their Christmas tree. So they stopped by and I got her dialed in (so to speak). As I was racing around cleaning prior to my parents arrival, a friend called asking to use my computer and internet connection because hers was down. "Of course!"

So my parents left, and my friend showed up. But, like anybody who wants to "use your computer" she needed not just the computer, but also access to my brain to make the computer and the web features she was using operate as desired. She finished up. As I was walking her out, one of the guys from next door came over looking for a sledge-hammer and prybar, which led to a frustrating, frantic, and unfruitful tour of both sheds-from-hell and what we call "the garage" which is actually a big barn-like structure full of piles of miscellaneous shit.

And suddenly, my watch alarm sounded to notify me that my son's school day was over.

And this, dear friends, is my life in a nutshell.